Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Clever Questions - You Can't Answer!

If Quizzes Are Quizzical, What Are Tests?

Why Doesn't Tarzan Have A Beard?

If Asteriods Are Outside The Hemisphere, Why Are Haemorrhoids In Your Butt?

If Vegtable Oil Is Made Out Of Vegtables,
And Sunflower Oil Is Made Out Of Sunflowers,
What Is Baby Oil Made Of?

Why Do We Press Harder On A TV Remote When We Know The Batteries Are Flat?

Why Do Banks Charge A Fee On 'Insufficient Funds' When They Know There Is Not Enough?

Why Do Kamikaze Pilots Wear Helmets?

Why Does Someone Believe You When You Say There Are Four Billion Stars,
But Check When The Paint Is Wet?

Whose Idea Was It To Put The Letter 'S' In The Word Lisp?

What Is The Speed Of Darkness?

Why Is It People Say They 'Slept Like A Baby' When Babies Wake Up Every Two Hours? - Ironic Much?

Are There Specially Reserved Spaces For 'Normal' People At The Paralympics?

If The Temperature Is Zero Outside Today, And It's Going To Be Twice As Cold Tomorrow, How Cold Will It Be?

Do Married People Live Longer Than Single Ones Or Does It Only Seem Longer?

How Is It That We Put A Man On The Moon Before We Figured Out It Would Be A Good Idea To Put Wheels On Luggage?

Why Do People Pay To Go Up Tall Buildings And Then Put Money In Binoculars To Look At Things On The Ground?

Who Was The First Person To Look At A Cow And Say, 'I Think I'll Squeeze These Pink Dangly Things And Drink Whatever Comes Out From Them.' ?

Who Was The First Person To Say 'See That Chicken There.. I'm Gonna Eat The Next Thing That Comes Outta It's Bum.' ?

Why Is There A Light In The Fridge, But Not In The Freezer?

Why Do People Point At Their Wrist To Ask For The Time, But Don't Point At Their Bum To Ask Where The Bathroom Is?

Why Does Your Obstretician, Gynaecologist Leave The Room When You Get Undressed If They're Gonna Look Up There Anyway?

Why Does Goofy Stand Erect While Pluto Remains On All Fours? - They're Both Dogs!

Why Does The Alphabet Song And Twinkle Twinkle Little Star Have The Same Tune?

Stop Singing And Read On.. :P

Do Illiterate People Get The Full Effect Of Alpabet Soup?

Ever Notice That When You Blow In A Dog's Face He Gets Mad, Yet Hangs His Head Out The Car Window??

Does Pushing The Lift Button More Than Once Make It Arrive Faster?

(Didn't Think So.. :P)

Best Til Last!!

If Electricty Comes From Electrons,
Does Morality Come From Morons?

Hope That Lightened Your Day!! :)

Saturday, 20 June 2009

My Leg Life Story

Well, I Guess This Is For People Who Are Interested But Are Too Polite To Ask About My Leg. :) Or Just For You Lot To Get An Insight Of How Everything Happened. Or For People Who Want To Understand All The 'Ooohh Interesting' Savvy Parts :P. Anyways, Here Goes!

During My Early Years As A Baby, My Mum Had Discovered That I Had A Blue Toe.. So She Took Me To The Doctors And He Said - "It Should Go Away Soon - Nothing To Worry About". This Was The Start Of How I've Walked For The Whole Of My Life. This 'Blue Toe' Was In Fact A Venous Malformation. (If You Like Wiki - I Suggest You Check This Out On There!) I Must Warn You Though, If You Haven't Seen My Toe Before - It's Kinda Gross; Somone Nearly Threw Up. Haha. Anyway, From When I Was 2 Years Old - When I Started Walking - My Parents Noticed That I Always Walked On My Toes On My Left Foot. They Assumed I Was Just Being Silly - But When They Asked Me, I Replied Because It Hurts Too Much. So Again, My Mum Took Me To The Doctors To Examine My Leg. He Then Found Out That I Had A Shortened Achilles Tendon.

8 Years Later, Through Intensive & Excruciating Physio, - What I Now Know As PAIN! - Meeting The Hundreds Of 'Specialists' In The Country, The Many Times I Doomed The MRI Scanner, And The Constant Words From My Parents Saying "You Can Do It".. No-one Knew What Was Wrong With My Leg, And Nothing Changed How I Walked. So, Under Belief Of Having A Shortened Achilles Tendon, In Late July Of 2002, I Had My First Operation.

This Operation Was To Lengthen My Achilles Tendon, This Being The Cure And Finally To Walk On My Heel! So I Went In, And Woke Up After the Operation To A Seriously Thick Plaster Cast Wrapped Around My Left Leg. A Day Later, I Was Out Of The Hospital Bed, Attempting To Walk To The Wheelchair To Go For Physio. (PAIN!) It Was Weird - Dangling My Helpless Leg Over The Side Of The Bed, And The Great Weight Of The Cast Pulling Me Down. My Right Foot Hit The Floor, And Then Very Suddenly Came My Left. It Really Hurt. I Dragged My Cast Along The Floor And Pathetically Hobbled Over To The Chair.

Now What Was To Come Next In My Eyes, Was Hell. I Got Wheeled Off By My Very Lovely Nurse Lisa, Who Took Me To The Casting Room. (No, I Didn't Get As Far As Hollywood.. Haha) Well, The First Time I Went In, The Room Was Boiling, And There Was A Strong Smell Of Bleach Cleaned Air. Mr.Coates (My Specialist At The Time) Popped Me Up Onto The Bed And Told Me To Relax. I Know Why He Told Me That, Because He Came Back With An Electric Saw! Sure, I Was Gonna Be Cool As A Cucumber.. Are You Kidding Me?!? At Ten Years Old - Yah, Right! I Was Screaming And Shaking. I Kept Thinking He'd Saw Right Down Through My Leg - Hence The Screaming. He Probably Would've If I Didn't Stop Moving! Haha. But What Then Happened, He Told Me Just To Keep Calm, And That This Would Only Tickle. He Placed The Saw Onto The Cast - And What He Said Was True!

The Cast Vibrated So Much, It Was Hard Not To Laugh! By A Couple Of Minutes Later, The Cast Came Off And I Was Ready To Climb Back Into The Wheelchair - But Oh No. He Then Wanted To 'Test' My Leg. He Attempting By Straightening It Out. This Was NOT Going To Happen. No Matter How Hard He Had To Push Down On My Knee, The Different Positions For The Leg To Be Placed - No. It Wasn't Working. He Sighed, And Then Came Back With A Reel Of Thick Cotton Wool And A Bandage. He Not Only Put On One Cast - He Put A Second Cast On Top! Great, Another Heavy Cast To Lug About. This Cast Was Slightly Cooler Than My Last Boring White One - This One Was Red :). A Couple More Days In The Hospital Learning How To Use Crutches, Up & Down Stairs, Getting In & Out Of Cars, And Generally Learning How To Walk. And Also Getting Given A Big Plastic Water Protector And An Ultra Cool Blue Sandal - My Time Was Up In Hospital.

After A Few Weeks, When My Parents Asked Me To Walk On My Heel, It Never Happened. I Tried Placing It On The Floor - But It Was So Painful I Couldn't. My Parents Were Pretty Annoyed Saiyng Such Things Like "You Can Do It, You Just Had That Operation To Make You Walk Properly" , "I Think You're Just Lying Because You Don't Want To Walk On It" Or "It Would Be Painful At First, But You've Just To Get Over It." And Other Words To That Effect. This Wasn't Very Supportive, And I Wasn't Lying. It Was Kind Of Like There Was A Tug-Of-War Going On Inside Of My Leg. Both Sides Were Of Equal Strength. So If I Really Did Try To Force My Heel To The Ground - This Rope Would Surely Snap And I'd Be In Pain Forever.

I Had To Have My Red Cast Off After 3 Weeks, In Exchange For A Blue One! Another 3 weeks Of The Blue One, Where I Cycled My Bike Even With A Cast On, And Climbed Trees, Before I Knew It Another 3 Weeks Flew By And It Was Time To Saw It Off. I Was Kinda Annoyed After The Amount Of People Who Signed It, And Then Having To Saw It Off & Getting It Chucked In The Bin - I Wasn't So Happy. But Thankyou To Everyone Who Did! :) I Went Back To The Doctors, The Operation Obviously Didn't Work. Words Couldn't (Well Probably Could In Profanity) Describe How Annoyed Myself, My Parents, My Friends Were About This.

A Few Months Later And I Then Had Another MRI Scan. Only This Time They Found That I Had Excess Skin Tissue & My Ligaments Were In A Way 'Locked' Behind And Over My Knee - The Reason Why I Couldn't Straighten My Leg Out After All These Years! The Doctor Back Then Suggested I See This Specialist To Solve This Whole Problem. We Took It Into Account, But 5 Years Had Flown By With Given Up Hope For Me. It Was Starting To Bother Me Again, With The Amount Of People In Public, On Camps, At Guides, At Cadets Asked Me The Exact Same Words Everytime - "What's Wrong With Your Leg?". I Like People Being Curious About It As It Gives Me Something Interesting To Tell. I Decided To Ask Mum If I Could See This Specialist To Solve This Problem. Now, After All The 'Specialists' I've Met In My 15 Years - This Guy Was Thee Pro. He Was 1 Out Of The 4 People In The Whole World Who Specialised In This 'Topic'.

So Earlier This Year, Myself & Mum Headed Up To Hammersmith Hospital In London To See Him. His Name Is Mr.Stansfield. Not Dr - No All Specialists Are Too Clever To Have Dr At The Front Of Their Name :). He Was 50 Odd, Quite Large And Had A Brilliant Somerset Accent. This Really Helped With My Drama - Shame it Wasn't Quite In Context.. Haha. Anyway, He Examined My Leg, And Said After 5 Minutes: "You're Going To Need 5 or 6 Operations. We'll Book You An MRI Scan Appointment For 6 Months Time To See What's Going On. We'll Have To Operate On You When You're Fully Grown - After Your GCSEs. Sound Alright?"

"Sound Alright"!?!?! YES! So Now - It's Exactly A Year Before The Biggest & Busiest Day Of My Life. I Undergo 5/6 Operations. 1) Firstly Remove This Excess Skin Tissue In My Calf. 2) 'Unlock' Ligaments At Back Of The Knee 3) 'Unlock' Ligaments Over Front Of My Knee. 4) Lengthen My Achilles Tendon (Again!) 4) Adjust The Position Of My Ankle (Don't Know How Exactly They're Going To Do It!) And Finally (Maybe) 6) Plastic Surgery Over The Whole Of My Leg. This Is If I Don't Want All The Scars To Be Shown.. And My Purple Toe Got Rid Of (Not Literally!) And Then After All That.. I'll Have A Lovely Plaster Cast From The Thigh Down. Brilliant Ey?

After The Operations, I'll Have Yet More Intensive Pain, (Physio) For Like, Ages. The Least Being 4 Months. So Who Knows! But With Whatever The Outcome - I Assure You That I'll Be Working My Arse Off! I Want This Leg To Be Perfect And If Blood, Sweat & Tears Is The Case - So Be It. This'll Be My Biggest Project I Want To Work My Hardest On. I've Talked To Alot Of People About My Leg, And Everyone Has Been Very Supportive Towards Me. From My Parents Carting Me Around To All Different Hospitals; To Friends Saying They'll Visit Me In Hospital To Fatten Me Up With Chocolate No Doubt, And To Be With Me When I Learn How To Walk For The First Time Ever; To My Boyfriend Who Will Keep Me Company And Give My Hayfever With Flowers! I Thank You All And Love You All So Much. I Do Hope It All Goes Well And I Have A Strong Faith In All These Specialists, Doctors, Nurses Who All Believe It's Possible & Will Work.

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

My Life - As I Know It

Hey All. Kindaa New To This, Please Do Excuse My Crap Blog-gy Skills. :)

Well Then, I Guess I Can Start With When I Was Born! I Was Born On 22nd November At 9.05pm Weighing In At 6lbs 9.5 oz. I Was Orginally Meant To Be Born On 15th November - The Same As My Grandma's Birthday. But Hey, I Decided To 'Stay In' For An Extra Week. I Think I Still Have Somehow 'Inherited' This Somewhat 'Gift' As I'm Really Not A Morning Person. :) My Mother, Father & Older Half Brother Were At The Scene Of My Arrival. My Mother Being Valerie Clark, My Father Colin Clark. And My Older Sibling Ben Grimshaw. There Was A Funny Moment When Ben Wanted To See My Arrival, And So My Mother Had To 'Hold Me In' Until Ben Had Finished Washing His Hands In Another Room. She Got A Bit Annoyed When Ben Said "Hang On A Minute - I'm Just Drying My Hands.." I Do Have Photos Of This Eventful Day - Stuffed Away In A Photo Album Amongst The Junk In The Loft. I Then Returned To The Clark Household To See My Yet Other Older Brother Robert Clark Who Wanted To Hold His New Baby Sister. He Was 2 Years Old At The Time And So The Parents Had To Keep A Close Eye On Him.

A Few Weeks Later, I Had My Christening. So I Had Alot Of 'New People' Just To See Me! A Few Included My Grand Parents From My Mum's Side Over To See Me; (My Grandad Was Delighted To Have A Grandaughter & Cherished Me For The Whole Time He Was With Me.) My Other 2 Sets Of Grand Parents From My Fathers Side - My Grandad Les.. (Was Know For His 'Two Ronnies' Glasses) And His Wife Jenny And Also My Nana Peg And Her Husband George. Along Came My Auntie Christine, My Aunty Jo & Uncle Bob (No Jokes - That's Really Their Names!) And My God Mother Adi With Her Husband (At The Time) Chris, And Her Son Luke. I Don't Remember This Day Exactly Of Course - But I Have Seen The Embarrassing Videos. They Are Tucked Away On Purpose. :) My Mum Did Tell Me I Was Asleep For The Whole Of The Christening Even When Nigel Threw Water Over Me. - I Don't Think I'd Have The Same Reaction Back Then As I Did Now - So Don't Try Anything On Me. On That Day I Had A Lovely Pink Cake With A China Boot On Top As A Decoration (This Is Now In My Bedroom!) And Recieved A Load Of Presents. Some Of Which I Still Have (And Are Also In My Room!!) :P

So I Grew Up Into A Mainly Male-Based Family. This Would Explain My Strong Tom-Boy Like Character From The Ages 6 - 12. I Wore The Hand Me Downs, I Watched All The Horror Movies, (Without Screaming Of Course..) We Would Constantly Be Playing Wrestling, I'd Play On The Computer Games, Destroy Any Barbie That Was Placed Into My Hands - Life Was Fun. You Could Say I Was A Rebel And Oh, I Was Just That. It Seemed More Fun Lighting French Bangers Than Playing With Dolls. I Had A Hobby For Climbing Trees, Bike Rides Into Guildford, Go Paintballing All The Works. My Best Friend At The Time Was A Girl Called Tamsin. It Was Only Us Two Girls Who Were Up To Do Anything Compared To The Other Kids In The Street. I Lived In Parkmead - A Small Estate But With Lots Of Good Friends, Great Places To Go Out And Play And Thee Best Chip Shop Ever.

I Have So Many Great Memories From That Place, Like When I First Rode My Bike, When We Used To Play School/Teacher, When A Neighbour Used To Bring Out All Her Dogs And We'd Go Play With Them, And One Bad One When I Opened Up My Right Hand Palm With A Massive Wad Of Glass. (Still Got The Scar To Prove It!) That Was 6 or So Years Ago Now! Cor, How Time Flies By When You're Having Fun.

Then In Year 6, When I Was 11 Years Old.. We Had To Move House. I Was Devastated. I Had To Leave My Friends, My Memories - Everything. We Had To Move House Because My Grandad And Grandma Had To Come Live With Us Since They Couldn't Cope Living By Themselves Anymore. So In June 2004 We Moved To Our New House In Rowly - Thorndale. At First When I Looked At It, I Didn't Like It One Bit. The Hallway Looked So Narrow, I Felt So Small, And There Where No Kids That I Knew Nearby. I Hated It.

But Now In 2009, I've Been Living Here For The Past 5 Years And Have Gotten To Love The Place. Yeah It Maybe Far From My Happy Memories, And There's Barely Anything To Do - At Least I've Got A Big Room To Myself And My Best Friend Lives Just Over The Road From Me, And That It's Closer To Guildford - What More Could I Want? Haha. Nah It's A Nice Big House With An Extremely Long Garden And It's Also The Best Place For BBQ's And Parties! ;)

Back When I Was In Primary School, Ending My 4 Years There, It Was Time To Hit Secondary School. I'd Changed From My Tomboy Character To Goth-Like Child By Year 7. So In Year 6 We Had This 3 Day Experience At My Next School - Glebelands. It Was So Weird, The First Time You Heard Bells Go Off Telling You To Get To Your Next Lesson Was Scary, The Place Is MASSIVE, Easily Got Lost And I Was Torn From My Best Mates Tamsin & Kayleigh. I Didn't Like It. However, I Did Make New Friends With This Girl From Guides And We Became Pretty Close Her Name - Cairo. She Was 3 Years Older Than Me, But She Looked Out For Me And We Had Some Great Memories Together. I Tended To Hang Around With Her And Met All Her Mates At School - They Were All Very Nice & Very Funny.

So In September Of That Year.. My Three Day Experience Suddenly Became My Next 4 Years Of This Place. The First Few Days Was Horrible, I Got Kicked Out Alot From My 'Friends', Didn't Have Anywhere To Hang Out Or Hang With, I Got Picked On For Being A 'Goth' And Also For My Leg. (Yeah If You Want To Know About It - It's On Here, I'm NOT Going To Type It All Out Again On This Blog! Haha). So Yeah, Life Wasn't Really Good. That's Until I Started Feeling More Welcomed With A New Group Of My Friends - All Of Which Are Still My Best Friends Now. :) They're The Best, They're So Funny, We All Look Out For One Another They're Amazing. Since Meeting Them, I've Changed. ALOT.

I'm Now Currently In Year 10 And Don't Worry I Love The Sound Of The Bell For Lunch Haha. I'm Studying Art, Drama, French And History For My 4 GCSEs Aswell As English Lit&Lang, Maths, Science (Double Award), RE, BCS and PE. I'm Not With The Academic Side Even Though My School Is A Science School, I'm Rather The Opposite - That Being I Love Art, Drama, Music & PE Haha.

This Year In 2009 - I've Done Soo Much More Than I Thought I Would, Gone Places I Haven't Been Before, Met Loads Of New Amazing People, Tried Something New Everyday Life's Good. This Is My Life Now And I'm Loving Every Minute Of It.

Comments Warmly Welcome If You Want. :)